Healthy Relationships

ü Should be fun and enjoyable

ü It’s important for you to love and respect yourself first before you get involved in a dating relationship

ü A healthy relationship is a friendship and not just physical relationship

ü Respect is extremely important in an relationship

ü Healthy relationships allow you time and space to maintain your own life as well as the time you spend together

ü Pursue and maintain your own interests and friendships

ü BEWARE! A partner that dislikes all of your friends could be a sign of a controlling partner

ü Maintain your own values and beliefs

ü Relationships are about mutual respect

ü Equal sharing of decision! For example: Always picking the movie and who you spent time with, and where you go.

ü The right to express your opinions and have them respected

ü To take it slow and only go at your own pace

ü To have your physical and emotional needs to be as important as your partners

ü Not be physically, sexually or emotional abused

v Know the Danger Signs!

v You don’t have to be hit to be in an abusive relationship

v Control is when they want to know your every move, check up on you and don’t allow you to make any decisions

v They could threaten or force you to do things against your will

	s when they cut you off from your family and friends
	Tells you who you can and can’t talk to
	Tells you what to wear
	Keeps tabs on you by calling your cell phone
	Freaks out when you talk to other people

Aggression

	When they yell and shout at you and other people
	Push you
	Hit you
	Drag you around
	Have been aggressive with previous partners
	Get into a lot of fights and arguments with other people

Demeaning and Sexist

o When they put you down

o Call you names

o Makes you feel stupid

o Never say anything good about you or your achievements

o Make sexist or treats you like a sex toy

Sexually Abusive

o Is when they engage in sexual contact that you don’t to or they refuse to practice safe sex

1. The tension phase: your partner may yell, scream, or swear, threaten to hurt you, or insult you (victim tries to make the abuser happy)

2. incident phase: abuser slaps, hits, shoves, throws things at you, pulls your hair, chokes you, continuously puts you down, threatens you, or holds you hostage.

3. Hearts and flowers stage: abuser apologizes, cries, promises it will never happen again, blames victim or others or incident.

Everyone’s heard the phrase, “you made me do it”, or, “you pushed my buttons”, or “You’ve got to learn who’s boss”. All to often the abuser will blame the victim for the abuse. The guilt placed on the victim is a tremendous burden and is the number one cause for a lower self image in victims. Abusers are always responsible for their actions. The abuse is not the fault of the victim.

What To Do If You Are In An Abusive Relationship

If you decided to stay in an abusive dating relationship or to leave it, it’s important to have a safety plan. If you decide to stay in the relationship, consider how you will plan for your safety during a violent incident. Here are some things you can do…

Discuss: Safety plans with friends and parents. Use a code word to alert your friends that you need might need help.

Avoid: Rooms where there potential weapons, such as the kitchen or the classrooms, such as woodworking shops, sewing rooms, or cosmetology rooms. Don’t get into the car with an abuser when they are angry.

Plan: Which exit you would use to get away from this person in an emergency.

· The most dangerous time is when the victim Leaves the abuser

Consider the following:

DO NOT tell your partner you are leaving until you have decided how to do it safely.

PLAN to break up when others are present (friends or family)

MAKE the break up final. Break all contact. Abusers are not people you can stay friends with.

v Youth hotline (dating violence)…617-773-4878

v Aids hotline/youth only…800-788-1234

v Samariteens (suicide prevention)…800-252-8336

v Gay and Lesbian hotline…800-347-8336

v Bridge over troubled waters…617-423-9575

v Alcohol/cocaine abuse…800-662-HELP

v Parental stress…800-632-8188

v Women’s place crisis center…888-293-7273

v South shore women’s center…888-746-2664

v New Bedford women’s center…888-83-WOMEN

v Independence house/Hyannis…800-439-6507

v DOVE-Quincy…617-471-1234

v Casa Myrna Vazquez, Inc./Boston…800-992-2600

Evaluations/emergency/testing

Children’s hospital eating disorder

617-355-7178

STD/HIV testing

866-438-8378

Brockton hospital STD clinic

508-941-7000

National gay and lesbian youth

800-347-8336